During the Lenten season, which starts today (Ash Wednesday), Christians are called to sacrifice in a spirit of reflection and prayer. The point is to distance ourselves from the attractive nuisances of daily living that chip away at our spiritual lives.
Entering this Lenten season, I'm thinking a lot about expectations and evaluations. Not expectations and evaluations from others, but those we render personally about ourselves.
For as long as I can remember, I tell myself I am not doing well enough or am not performing up to expectations. These are powerful personal motivators for me. In MBA school, I used to worry that each semester's finals could be the ones that caused me to flunk out of college. In reality, that wasn't even a remote possibility. Yet, this self-expectation drove me to study harder. It also made me physically ill every semester.
That's a strong example of lying to yourself in a tremendously self-destructive way.
The same mentality drives me in business, too. Some shortcomings I'm trying to fill are real. Many (maybe most), however, are lies I tell myself to keep pushing harder.
Among other things, this Lent will involve for me trying to be more honest with myself. Self-lies about needing to do more work (or more whatever) have become too much a part of immersing myself in the world. They have detracted from my spiritual life. They cause me to get away from practices that are important to staying healthy and more productive overall.
I'm looking to honesty as an important part of making sure I'm investing my time and energy in the places God (and not Mike) wants.
As we’ve done for years on Ash Wednesday, here is our creativity prayer. It’s right at the intersection of my spiritual and personal lives. And if you say it, drop in a little prayer for me, please. Thank you!
©2008, Mike Brown
